Since we seem to be reasonable people, talking at cross-purposes, and since I think this is an important subject, I'm going to lay it all out here.
Spousal support. Someone said she thinks it's only right to abolish spousal support, because the spouse claiming it should get a job instead. She's generally right. There are exceptions. I think I'm one of them. (Of course! It's always... Never mind. I really do. I have a good reason, and it isn't greed.) It's actually cheaper for him.
Now, Tony and I are fine, so this is a moot point, but lots of women in my situation aren't doing so well. I see them suffering, and it kills me. We are raising severely disabled children who can't attend school. And our unpaid labour is so undervalued, it's ridiculous.
I'm not going to disclose my financials here, but I'll go with the numbers a dear friend supplied me just a week ago (she's okay with that because "no one reads your stupid blog anyway". :)) She's in a similar situation.
Household budget - special needs :
mortgage: $1000/mo (LUCKY)
food for 5: $850/mo (multiple food allergies)
utilities: $250/mo (no cable)
car insurance: $100/mo
gasoline: $100/mo
incidentals: $200/mo
TOTAL: $2500
Kids' budget:
Childcare - $4500/mo (It would be a LOT more, if his insurance wasn't paying. And frankly, those kids need more than they're getting. Which Mom knows.)
Medications - $$450/mo
TOTAL: $4950
Her husband pays $3000/mo child support. She's supposed to come up with the difference. She can't. Because she isn't employable in a job that pays enough to do that. She makes $15/hr and works 50 hours per week. Because she hasn't been employed for years. So the NT kids don't get lessons or extras or new clothes. And the disabled kids are suffering mediocre care by people who care, but let's face it, don't love them.
Now, take the childcare out of the equation. Have Mom stay home, the way she always did. Suddenly, we're at $2950, total. LESS than his child support payments. AND she stays home, guaranteeing the kids better care than they're getting now. AND she can make a few dollars on the side working from home after they sleep.
Keep in mind, this isn't going to change when they turn 18. They won't be magically cured. They'll still need every last bit of support. And the court won't mandate it. He'll still pay, because he's a decent enough guy (I hope).
It's better for everyone. Her, the kids, him.
I know another case or two. Like when the wage earner up and leaves when the stay-at-home spouse is 65 years old. Or when the stay-at-home spouse is disabled.
But yes, I absolutely see the possibilities for abusing the system.
It was put in place as a lifestyle thing. "I got accustomed to living in luxury..." Yeah. Whatever. And yes, we're living in an age in which women generally do have choices. But there still is very much a patriarchy, and it is still very much in play. And so I think there are some considerations necessary, especially for women who gave up careers to work unpaid at home, and don't have many options left.
